Barnett and Mary Lynn - 
the first 50 Years

Are you as surprised as we are?

Memory Lane

We have been married
  
  50 Years  
  600 Months
  2,600 Weeks  
  18,250 Days  
  438,000 Hours  
  26,280,000 Minutes
 
And at least 50 of them were happy!

More Numbers

Reflections of an old married couple

Barnett and I made it to a milestone in this life journey we have shared together. We cannot believe we have been married for 50 years! We are struck by the many blessings, life lessons, stories of success and near misses during this time together! We are grateful for such a wonderful and loving family, beautiful children and grandchildren, and honored to have a vast array of friends who are always in our hearts. 
 
When people ask what the secret to 50 years of marriage is, we are usually unprepared to answer, but after thinking about it more, these are our stories, and this is our advice to any who may want to reach this milestone.

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”– Mignon McLaughlin

People change, even in marriage, as each person becomes different over time. Our values, experiences, priorities, aspirations are ever-changing. All marriages experience times of transition where one must learn to dance with the new partner, or one must learn to guide the old partner to the new place together.
 
It is best to acknowledge that this change is inevitable and allow for those times of transition, knowing dancing with the one who brought you is the best dance of all.
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“Let there be spaces in your togetherness And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”– Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Barnett’s mom always commented that our ability to give each other space to pursue different interests was key to our marriage. Clearly, looking at our life together, we have had very different activities and interests. 

Barnett loved flying and got his pilots license in 1972. Mary Lynn is afraid of heights so rarely flew with him.

Barnett got into whitewater paddling while at Vanderbilt and it changed his life. He has paddled some of the toughest rivers in the US and on 3 continents. He loved teaching others about his sport and taught 100s or 1000s of students over 40 years.


He also loved going out west in the summer to paddle and climb mountains and has climbed a dozen of fourteeners (14k') in Colorado and Italy. 


Maryn loves that he has this hobby but doesn't join him because she does not voluntarily exert any unnecessary energy.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”– Dave Meurer

We were so young when we married - just babies, really. We had nothing going for us, but we had each other and we had hope and somehow it worked. We were counselors at the YMCA day camp and dated for 3 months before tying the know so basically love at first site.. 

Barnett was in the Navy and negotiated a state-site land tour vs. tour of Vietnam. The day after our wedding, we bought a used Volkswagen, with our life savings of $250 during our 2-day honeymoon. The apartment we rented in New Orleans required a $100 deposit, but after paying for everything else, Barnett only had $27.19 in his pocket. Based solely on his earnestness, they took it and rented him the 2-room studio. (See the consummate negotiator theme?) I had never lived.....
MORE OF THIS STORY

““The first fifty years are the easiest.” 
Mary Dougherty married for 70 years.
If this is true, and I think it must be, then it is clear that old age is no place for sissies. 

Mary Lynn's parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and great-great grandparents all celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. That's a lot of pressure! But it was Barnett's steadfast determination that kept us going through some rough times.

“A marriage is like a game of cards.  It starts with a diamond and a heart. By the end all you want is a club and a spade." 

 "Or one could argue that  "A marriage requires commitment - but so does insanity"
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